Telling Your Parents about Your Cancer

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Telling the Parents about Your Cancer

I’ve written in the past about talking with your children in the event that you’re diagnosed with cancer. Similar concerns may arise if your parents are still alive. Should you tell them about your illness?

Family relationships are complex and varied, so I don’t presume to know what’s best for your family, but some general guidelines may be helpful.

I think it’s generally good to talk openly with your parents about your cancer. Keeping secrets consumes energy and it’s better to have everyone on the same page. The term “cancer” encompasses diseases that range from curable to those with a poor prognosis. In the absence of accurate information, your parents will assume the worst.

Be prepared for the possibility of mom and dad having a visceral response to your cancer diagnosis, seemingly out of proportion to its reality. When they were growing up, cancer was considered a death sentence. Some of their friends are likely to have had cancer and they are going to recall those who died before they remember those who survived.

Your parents may want to help you. This can be good or bad. If you’re like me, you tend to feel like an adolescent when your parents invade your space. As a general rule, it’s not becoming to pout or whine at our age. What’s needed is a clear understanding that it’s your disease and you’re calling the shots.

Sometimes parents can help most effectively and least intrusively by offering their support and love through prayer or other spiritual practice.

However they help, it’s generally good to keep your parents in the information loop. Bad news is never good, but cancer is a reality in many of us. We do the best we can.

From the Ithaca Journal, August 21, 2008

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